Have you heard the news about Motley Crue???

I am seriously not even a fan of Motley Crue. They only have 1 song I like. “Looks That Kill.” Great song. Everything else… meh. That song “Livewire” would be great if Vince Neil could’ve actually hit the high note he was aiming for when he shouts: “… be mine toniiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!!” But, he couldn’t. And everybody let it slide, lol.

Funny fact, back in middle school, me and my friends used to call Motley Crue: “Buttley Scrue.” Because it was funny. And it still kinda is, lol. I digress.

So anyway, as a non-fan, I’m one of those guys on “Team Mick” as far as the Mick Mars lawsuit against the band. I think the band should’ve retired after their first farewell tour, like they intended to. It would’ve made perfect sense for Vince Meal to go out as a solo artist with a band playing MC covers. And Mars could’ve rejoined with John Corabi and finished what they started back in 2015 or 2016 or whenever it was.

One fun project you can do when you get a chance is to check out the MC wiki page and go straight to the feud section. There is some really wild stuff there. It’s kind of what you expect as to who is a jackass, who is a dick, who is a crybaby, etc. I kinda feel bad for the band? Meh.

I do feel bad for Vince though. All that money and he still can’t control his weight. If that was me, I’d be doing ANYTHING to get my 1980’s body back. If he was truly lucky, he’d stumble on anti-vegan videos online and start eating raw meat and eggs. Every now and then there’s a rich person that makes you say, “Oh, what a poor man.”

Anyway, MC now has a new guitarist, some guy name “John 5” who used to work for Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie. More opinion from me – he looks funny. His hair is weird like some kind of “helmet cut” and he holds his guitar high up on his chest like a jazz guitarist. But you know what else? The other 3 guys in MC all look funny too. Vince Meal is fat, and Lee and Sixx look like strung out junkies. Kind of a Metalocalypse style “Snakes ‘N Barrels” kind of band. Throwbacks. So, I guess it doesn’t matter what the new guitarist really looks like.

They say they are working on new music. Does anybody really “want” a new Motley Crue album? Really? The 80’s are over. Not only can they never recapture their old flame, they were never really musicians to begin with. They were just entertainers living out their teenage dreams of pseudo-crossdressing and chasing women. Like, 40 years ago. They’re not really capable of writing anything “of the times” in the 2020’s that is going to resonate with anybody. Except maybe elder Gen-Xers who are as just as out-of-shape, haggard-looking, nostalgic, and unable-to-move-on as they are. I have written an article already about how rock ‘n roll is for the living. The more “of the times” music is, the more it’ll resonate and be relevant to people. I don’t see how it’s possible that MC could write anything (with or without a new guitarist) that people will legitimately be interested in. It’s been 15 years since their last album. And 34 years since they wrote an album that the majority of MC fans thought was relevant.

Sure, I think age-gap dating is fine for older men interested in younger women. But it’s a RARE thing. There is no actual, large-ass demographic or fan-base that a band can cultivate of Gen-X 50-something (“manthers”) that are dating Zoomer/Millennial 20-something chicks. Even Steel Panther gets that’s a silly idea. “…your dad really hates me, When I try to borrow money he berates me, Somehow he thinks that I’m too old for you, ‘Cause you’re 19 and I’m 52…” There’s no there there. I would’ve have said they MC has jumped the shark in 2000, or 2008, or 2015. But jumping the shark also means that your fanbase gets progressively smaller from the shark-jumping moment onward. Which I think probably happened in any of those years, but the Netflix injection was some kind of crazy antidote to that. And somehow they managed to tour in 2022. But now, with Mars retiring from touring, suing the band, and saying the band’s last tours were not live performances but pre-recorded tracks — certainly the last possible shark must have been jumped. I don’t think John 5 can stop the attrition of the Motley fanbase. And never say never, but I also don’t see Tommy Lee bringing back his roller coaster drum set.

It should be over. I guess it will be moderately amusing to see them fade away.

As far as the present, and rock ‘n roll being for the living… In my opinion, Motley Crue songs could all be greatly improved by other bands.

For example, here’s Japanese metal babes Nemophila doing a cover of “Shout at the Devil.” It’s awesome. The vocals are awesome. Everything about this is awesome.